WARNING:
DO NOT, i repeat, DO NOT READ THE OLD TESTAMENT WITH PRIDE IN YOUR HEART!
An explanation is in order. I am currently reading through the Old testament with my boyfriend! What an amazing idea and every night we end in prayer. Well I have discovered two things about myself from this...
one: I can't retain much philosophical information or hold a deep conversation when I am tired. There are wonderful times, however, when at night I light up with insight or energy and mental capacity to be able to yak ad learn more then during the day...sadly those times are few.
two: I am still a prideful little twit. (idk if I used it right but it seems fitting atm). I already had an idea of how much I can be prideful...its what led me to realize the amount of sin in my life and the need for God! But I did not realize where i still held my pride.
So my pride lies within my so called knowledge of who God is. If you are a seasoned reader/follower then maybe you knew that I grew up in a Christian family, church all the time, and thankfully, a true understanding of God's love, forgiveness, and the amazing Good News which led to our forgiveness, salvation, and adoption into a forever family with Him and each other. WELL because of that, I feel I know a great deal about the bible and I can answer any question thrown at me! I know all the basic answers about Jesus and God. At least I thought I did...
Now my boyfriend and I are reading through the OT, making observations, seeing what stands out to us and questions we have. My bf is kinda really smart, wise, discerning, and well I can go on and on about him really. So with these traits he really knows how to ask the deep theological questions that I honestly never see or skip over. A part of me loves it! another part of me becomes frustrated because I do not know the OT very well at ALL. So when questions are asked i feel the need to give the RIGHT answer. In my head I think: "I know a lot about the bible, I should be able to answer this!" and well, i cant. I know there are no right answers to most theological questions,only more questions. But somehow during the discussions, questions and attempts to find the right answers my heart and mind closes off and is not TRULY open to what my boyfriend has to say.
That i despise about myself. How is that loving? Its not! But I am working through it. I know God place me with my boyfriend for more than just enjoyment and passion, but for someone to truly grow and challenge me like never before! Its going to take some time but here are the steps I am going to take to prevent a closed mind and to remain open to whatever God and my boyfriend have to teach me!
A) I will pray before every conversation I have with my boyfriend
B) I will humble myself with facts presented to me
C) I will attempt to do research that is accurate/reliable/valid (that will be hard...)
I am so hopeful for the summer because of this challenge and growth presented at me! I am changing everyday, I pray it is for the best!
We can work together because I too can sometimes be prideful and close off to other's perspectives. It is something i have been working on for a while now and will have to continue working on. Like I said we can do it together.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to many more readings with you.
I love you.
I understand completely, today during church- the preacher said something about King Solomon that I never realized before. He was referred to by 6 different names. One of them is Lemuel, meaning "Close to God," King Solomon was a great ruler and close to God in the begining and ending of his life, but lost in the middle. King Solomon had 300 wives and 700 concubines. The first thing that kinda pops out is, he must've had a lot of sex- but besides that, God truly does foresee the purpose and good of His children, no matter how lost they may be. All of this I got from the preacher, except for the last sentence.
ReplyDeleteBut, on the plus side, Christianity isn't a test where we need to know all the answers, we pass by having humble hearts before God and saying "I've sinned in my life, Jesus is my savior, and I belong to you Lord."
:)