Talking Dogs and Talking to God

So this is not going to be an upbeat blog post... The last few havent been exactly upbeat... I hope to fix that but not today. SORRY!

Oky a joke: What is cooler than a talking dog?.....................................................................A spelling BEE!! :) muahahahaha

IDK what you know sooo here is my past two weeks summed up. From the Occupational Therapy graduate schools I applied to, I got on the waiting list for my top choice and my bottom choice and was rejected from my second choice school. Waiting, as noted by my past posts, is hard.
So basically I finally got over the whole waiting idea for graduate school and I believe I finally had peace about it. Thanks to multiple one-on-one conversations with God and then advice from my amazing boyfriend, I had backup plans, I realized that OT is what I want to be, and  that I am in no rush to get it. THEN (this wed.) I get a call from TOLEDO university (UT) asking if I still wanted to go there for OT school. Wow did I get excited. UT is a doctorate program. Basically in 2.5 years in Toledo would result in being called Dr. Dani. three of their professors worked in pediatrics, they have a farm individuals with autism (http://www.bittersweetfarms.org/)... Here's the site for UT: http://www.utoledo.edu/eduhshs/depts/rehab_sciences/ot/index.html

Yes so I was pretty excited about the name, about being wanted to attend, my mom reflected that excitement too! My plan being an OT was to someday receive my Dr. so that when my Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) and/or age limited my abilities to bend down and play with kids, I will teach at a college! Mom also wanted to see me write a textbook too... that probably won't happen HAHAHA

As I was talking to mom about this my excitement ended when I realized what I would be leaving...My boyfriend (bf for now). I can never truly remember all that I have talked about but I quickly came to the conclusion while dating him, that he is the one I want to marry, he is the one I want to be with my whole life, travel with, worship God with, ect. He is wise, funny, so sweet and caring for me, a hard and smart worker, Christ follower (that should have been first haha), awkward like me yet so mature! Has given me wisdom on multiple occasions, encourages me to question and research any doubts and any ideas; thanks to his debating nature, which I feel has helped me grow as a person as well. We have both stated that we would love to see this go to marriage, in fact im pretty sure we are counting on it. But we have so much schooling left. I think we both realize that marriage right now would not be wise. We do not struggle sexually as well.

My dilemma: trying to figure out what I want. I want so/too many things, I want to be with bf always, I want to be an OT, I want to work in the school systems, I want to start a life too. I'm honestly trained from thinking about this. I have cried so much yesterday about leaving bf. The summer would not be hard. I've done it before, but can bf and I continue it for three years? idk...my bf is nothing like my ex but I still remember those times on the phone over the summer I work at KOA, ex would start something, he would get annoyed at me for littlest things. Its much easier to get into fights on the phone. Unless both parties can articulate everything that is going on, its hard to truly get the whole picture. Its easy to hide true feelings, its easy to get frustrated because they didn't truly understand what happened.

There are so many other factors too but my bf was the most important. I HATE THE COLD!! the average high summer temp is only 82 degrees! which right now is warm BUT that's not summer warm. The average high winter temp is 30 degrees!! below freezing!! My RA hates the cold too ;)

Well yesterday night Intervarsity had a prayer night for large group. Much needed, I tried to clear my mind of all distractions, of all responses to my acceptance. It was hard. I realized two things: 1) no matter what I choose someone is not going to be happy (duh)..... 2) I need to find a way to leave the influences of others and truly decide what I want and what God wants in this situation. I know that if I follow God, He will give me peace and confidence as He has in the past. Today after my group meeting im "running" away but idk where yet. I have multiple choices. I am also hoping to get up with my spiritual mentor. I need to talk to someone who is a Christ-follower, much older than me, and hopefully unbiased in giving me advice. She has been my spiritual-mentor/mother for a year now. I am so thankful for her. I am so blessed for her advice and the times we have exploring Prayer and God's word.

Updates soon. And maybe more joyful posts!

Praising in the storm.... or not

So Im going to be writing this multiple times... hopefully my points are somewhat connected. (I accidently wrote this in my summer of proverbs.... so it has been moved...a week and a day later...)


Passage I will be referring to is Matthew 14:22-33, Jesus Walks on Water. Oky so as small group leader we take a passage like this and come up with questions. For me personally, I have heard this passage at least 3 times for every year of my life, currently I'm 21 soooo mathematically speaking I have heard/read this passage 63 times. Probably an exaggeration... ;)  Strangely enough, I never realized all of the meanings tucked into this simple passage until small group planning with my amazing co-leader.

When do we typically praise God? read the passage and seriously reflect on whether we follow the pattern of the disciples or not. I know I typically do! It has taken an act of God one time for me to praise God. I believe I might have talked about this in a previous post around this time last year... I am very much like the disciples. I am so willing to praise and worship God when things go my way, or as I planned them, or when events work in my favor!  It is so easy! When there is a storm (a fight with a friend, medical problems, pain, mourning, ect.) do we really want to look up at God and reflect on His goodness, His perfect mysterious plan? For me it is hard to focus on the true characteristics of God. I want to figure out how to fix the problem or the typical question "Why God?" "What is it that you want?"

Look at what happened to the disciples. First, they praised Jesus and proclaimed him "Son of God" after Peter was safe in the boat AND after the storm was over. Second, Jesus and God did not want anything from them, just faith. God didn't change their direction in the boat, Jesus didn't give them a new direction in life or drastically change ideas. Jesus just wanted faith and for them not to worry.

Another point/idea noticed: V.26 " When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, 'It's a ghost!'" In their fear they assumed the worst, in their fear they were not looking for hope. Is that common in our life? Well I guess in a way yes. When waiting for a response, I sometimes expect the storm to worsen, I have to make a plan in case it does, I have to prepare for the worst. What if questions fly into my head, but what if i never ask those questions and truly live day-by-day for God?

There are so many other points to be made about this passage here are the questions my sg leader and I came up with.

• Why would Jesus approach the disciples by walking on water?
• What causes Peter to start to sink?
• What are somethings that are distracting you from your relationship with God?
• Jesus proclaims that He is the reason to not be fearful about the storm.
• What percentage of the disciples truly stopped fearing during the storm?
• When do you truly believe Jesus is in our toughest situations?
• When is it easy for us to trust God?
• V.27-30
• Why did Peter make such a statement and then reacted/action?
• Why did Peter want to join Jesus?
• Has there ever been a time you tested Jesus and took a step outside of you comfort zone? (or in this case comfort boat?)

The Uncertainty of Events

Howdy blog readers its been too long! I can not say that I have been very busy and I really do not have a good excuse for not updating this. I guess because Action is hard to come by at the moment. I am truly experiencing life as a soon to graduate college student. I'm waiting. Waiting to hear back from Grad schools, waiting to decide whether I should take classes in areas like bio-feedback or child-life, waiting to see where I will live, waiting to see where God will place me next year. Up until Monday, I was waiting to see if I was going to stay where I am currently located or if I am going to have to move to NY. I discovered that NY is going to be my home for the summer.

Explanation: I need to complete 15 weeks/600 hours of interning with a certified recreational therapist inorder to get my certification. I have applied to multiple places: Shepard Center in Atlanta Ga, Vidant in NC, WCA in NY, and VA hospital in NC. I blew the interview for Shepard, I just wasnt prepared and I did not have the confidence. the interview from WCA and Vidant went great. In fact during the interview with Vidant I was certain I was going to get an internship! I walked out so confident and Vidant was my top choice after Shepard.
I was rooting for Vidant for multiple reasons (not in order of importance):

• Summers where I live, though muggy and hot, are relaxing, lazy, and eventful with friends even with work and school
• I would be in the same aprt. complex as my boyfriend
• I wouldn't have to move
• I know the area, I have a church home, I could possibly meet with Mrs. Cheryl (my mentor) regularly again.

Well, I did not get my desired internship. And I am at peace with it. There is a reason why I'm going to NY. I had so many ppl in my Christian family praying that I would be accepted into Vidant, I was positive the interview went perfect, and I had connections with the lead therapist at the hospital. Even with all the bonuses I did not get in and NY gladly accepted me. This shows that I am not guaranteed anything, just because things go great and people (as well as yourself) are praying for your wants and dreams. 

After spending a day reflecting on this, looking up the hospital, talking with my new supervisor, I am at peace with this internship. God closed the doors I so that I will not enter but one, God's hand was in this. I am not only at peace but excited about this new adventure!  I will be in a new facility in a city of 31,000+, new area of work (mental health), new state and area of US. I have plans of finding a church and joining a small group over the summer.

Now here's a little fact about me that idk if I mentioned. I'm not a crier when with friends. I will try my best to hold back any tears, emotions, ect. that would result in the appearance of crying. When I received the e-mail from Vidant about my rejection, I was with my friend Anne. I did not cry. When I receive the rejection phone call from Sheperd center, I was walking home from school, no one around, I cried silently. I wanted to cry when I read the e-mail, but I knew once I did I would A) ruin a beautiful for day for Anne, B)not look forward to this internship and focus on the negatives. I feel like that once you release an emotion without a clearer head, it easy to get stuck in that emotion. I felt like if I were to cry with Anne and share my thoughts and feelings, I would like the attention, I would hold on to the idea that Im not going to like WCA, and i would cry or complain to multiple others. If I face the situation and share the news in a positive tone, I find positives on my own. Idk if that made sense but here is how I see it. Studies have proven that even if you are in a terrible mood, if you force a smile, soon you will be happier. Is this just an excuse to secretly bottle up emotions? It works for me.... I could write a whole other blog on that...