So What do you do when someone close to you (best friend, boyfriend, sister, whoever) loses something/someone close to them? What should you do?
I am very bad when it comes to these life questions. I feel like I should be able to say some amazing bit of wisdom that will make this person feel better. I just want the pain to go away in that special person. While thinking about death and how to handle it I have realized one thing... (maybe im wrong and this doesnt apply to everyone) people tend to show their "understanding" by comparing stories. "I remember when..." "I know its hard..." I thought about those statements and I wonder how effective that really is in helping the other person. Maybe the person originally sought you out because you have been through a similar person or maybe you are just a really close friend. Either way, dont those statements take the focus away from the person and back on to you? Humans are naturally prideful and long for attention. But without trying to show our understanding do we feel worthless? I do. Most of what my friends go through I do not truly understand. I except an array of emotions and I long to just make them smile, and I feel worthless when I can not compare situations and offer any sort of hope.
Now what if the very fact you do not understand your loved one's situation causes you to have lack of sympathy. Im not saying you dont feel bad that they are sad, but that when they are not talking to you about it you truly can live on day-to-day with out a least bit of worry. For example, if your friend's dog dies and you never had a pet before...there is little understanding in why someone would care and become so distraught over an animal. How much of your day would be affected by that news? Im sure you would go and comfort him/her in the way you do but does your heart hurt?
Does it make me a bad person when i feel that way?
No, I don't think you're a bad person if you don't know what to say Dani. =) I think the very fact that you may not have been through a similar situation makes you more eligible, as a person that can be talked to without the person talking to you feeling like they're gonna be judged. Many times a hug is all it takes to speak volumes, unless they ask you for advice specifically. One of the things I learned this summer is that "Advice is taken as an effort to control unless the person asks for it" (Five Love Languages for Single People). I'm guessing "advice" could substitute "saying something" in the case of what you're talking about. Of course, there are times when they won't ask for it although they really need to hear something. But most times, just listening and maybe a hug is all it takes.
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