Talking Dogs and Talking to God

So this is not going to be an upbeat blog post... The last few havent been exactly upbeat... I hope to fix that but not today. SORRY!

Oky a joke: What is cooler than a talking dog?.....................................................................A spelling BEE!! :) muahahahaha

IDK what you know sooo here is my past two weeks summed up. From the Occupational Therapy graduate schools I applied to, I got on the waiting list for my top choice and my bottom choice and was rejected from my second choice school. Waiting, as noted by my past posts, is hard.
So basically I finally got over the whole waiting idea for graduate school and I believe I finally had peace about it. Thanks to multiple one-on-one conversations with God and then advice from my amazing boyfriend, I had backup plans, I realized that OT is what I want to be, and  that I am in no rush to get it. THEN (this wed.) I get a call from TOLEDO university (UT) asking if I still wanted to go there for OT school. Wow did I get excited. UT is a doctorate program. Basically in 2.5 years in Toledo would result in being called Dr. Dani. three of their professors worked in pediatrics, they have a farm individuals with autism (http://www.bittersweetfarms.org/)... Here's the site for UT: http://www.utoledo.edu/eduhshs/depts/rehab_sciences/ot/index.html

Yes so I was pretty excited about the name, about being wanted to attend, my mom reflected that excitement too! My plan being an OT was to someday receive my Dr. so that when my Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) and/or age limited my abilities to bend down and play with kids, I will teach at a college! Mom also wanted to see me write a textbook too... that probably won't happen HAHAHA

As I was talking to mom about this my excitement ended when I realized what I would be leaving...My boyfriend (bf for now). I can never truly remember all that I have talked about but I quickly came to the conclusion while dating him, that he is the one I want to marry, he is the one I want to be with my whole life, travel with, worship God with, ect. He is wise, funny, so sweet and caring for me, a hard and smart worker, Christ follower (that should have been first haha), awkward like me yet so mature! Has given me wisdom on multiple occasions, encourages me to question and research any doubts and any ideas; thanks to his debating nature, which I feel has helped me grow as a person as well. We have both stated that we would love to see this go to marriage, in fact im pretty sure we are counting on it. But we have so much schooling left. I think we both realize that marriage right now would not be wise. We do not struggle sexually as well.

My dilemma: trying to figure out what I want. I want so/too many things, I want to be with bf always, I want to be an OT, I want to work in the school systems, I want to start a life too. I'm honestly trained from thinking about this. I have cried so much yesterday about leaving bf. The summer would not be hard. I've done it before, but can bf and I continue it for three years? idk...my bf is nothing like my ex but I still remember those times on the phone over the summer I work at KOA, ex would start something, he would get annoyed at me for littlest things. Its much easier to get into fights on the phone. Unless both parties can articulate everything that is going on, its hard to truly get the whole picture. Its easy to hide true feelings, its easy to get frustrated because they didn't truly understand what happened.

There are so many other factors too but my bf was the most important. I HATE THE COLD!! the average high summer temp is only 82 degrees! which right now is warm BUT that's not summer warm. The average high winter temp is 30 degrees!! below freezing!! My RA hates the cold too ;)

Well yesterday night Intervarsity had a prayer night for large group. Much needed, I tried to clear my mind of all distractions, of all responses to my acceptance. It was hard. I realized two things: 1) no matter what I choose someone is not going to be happy (duh)..... 2) I need to find a way to leave the influences of others and truly decide what I want and what God wants in this situation. I know that if I follow God, He will give me peace and confidence as He has in the past. Today after my group meeting im "running" away but idk where yet. I have multiple choices. I am also hoping to get up with my spiritual mentor. I need to talk to someone who is a Christ-follower, much older than me, and hopefully unbiased in giving me advice. She has been my spiritual-mentor/mother for a year now. I am so thankful for her. I am so blessed for her advice and the times we have exploring Prayer and God's word.

Updates soon. And maybe more joyful posts!