"Hello DBT skills, meet Life"

I'm going to start off by saying I LOVE MY INTERNSHIP! Not only am I learning recreational therapy skills, handling patients of a variety of sorts, and putting what I have been taught for 3 yrs into practice, I am also learning some basic life skills. For example being assertive as well as confident in my actions! I feel this internship is going to grow me so much as a person. Another part of this internship, or at least the facility, is the use of DBT skills.

DBT skills stands for Dialectical Behavior Therapy and in short, consists of four content areas: m, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. I could write a blog describing all the different steps, the theory placed behind the creation of DBT skills, and the effectiveness of it in practice OR I could write about one part of the DBT skills and the importance I can place in my life.

This week seems to be about one of the DBT skills: Relationship skills. While currently I do not have any relationship problems, the skills taught are meant to be use in ANY sort of relationship. conversation with a boss, co-worker, friend, or family member, random cashier/clerk, waitress, ect. Under relationship skills there are three acronyms:

DEAR MAN:  Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce. Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate.
        This acronym is to reach a certain objective. A common example used on my unit is when you want to go to the movies and you have to ask your mom. Describe: What's going on?--"so my friends are going to see the Avengers", Express: What are your wants?-- "I would really like to join them." Assert: Why are you bringing this up?-- "Can you give me a ride to the theaters?" Reinforce: I would really appreciate a ride from you and to spend time with my friends. Mindful: Listen to the person even if its not the answer you expected, "I cant take you today I am too busy." Appear confident: (this is important when asking ppl of authority), Negotiate: If there is a possibility of a no..--"Can I help you with the chores so you have time to take me?"  That's right, you have to put in effort, time, energy, and something you probably don't want to do.

GIVE: Gentle, Interested, Validation, Easy Manner.
       This is to maintain and keep relationships. This is not for yourself as it is for the best of both parties. Example: your boss at work. Sometimes we do things we really dont want to do or dont always agree with (unless it invades our integrity of course) just so the boss the does not get annoyed with us. Be Gentle, truly listen and be interested in WHAT the person is saying, validate his/her words but confirming, agreeing to the asked task or simply restating the conversation like "From what you are saying, you are angry that he took your ball?" (like re-stating), and go with the flow, do not grumble or complain, do the task with a mad heart.

FAST: be Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, be Truthful.
       This is to maintain self-respect! Fairly straight forward!

So there is a little bit about what my internship is teaching me... You can see where these areas apply almost EVERYDAY!

Which acronym can be the most effective in your life? Which one is the hardest for you?


I have been looking at this and I am going to apply DEAR MAN to the lady renting my house. My objective: allowing my boyfriend to spend a few nights with me in an empty house. So here is the ideal conversation! "Hi Ms. Landlady. So Mike has informed me that the house will be empty between these dates. Can my boyfriend visit me from (insert dates here)?" Idk how to reinforce this... and well from there I would listen to her ideas/answer. Maybe negotiate a price...(which i dont really want BUT i'd understand if it comes to that.) The key to DEAR MAN is to try hard for your objective but to also be flexible to earn this objective or maybe even a straight up "no" even when assertive... WISH ME LUCK <3