Chapter 1 personal notes...

What chapter 1 has so much to teach me! No wonder the intro suggested to read a chapter a week. It will give me time to re-read the chapter and practice the training exercise at the end of each chapter! Some random points that might interest you:

• peace during frustration--personal story offered by a past reader
• Will power what is it really?
• What causes change?

Describe your own experience with trying (and failing) to change. Could the failure be because of a lack of training and not lack of effort? Explain.

A common place example of trying to change is setting the new years resolution to lose weight. I have tried to do that multiple times and failed miserably. I would start out strong, stay away from sweets, work out, but I'd slowly increase the amount on my plate each day. Staying on a work out schedule was never hard for me. I love working out and being active. Watching what I eat is more of a challenge.... I would try my hardest to stay away from the fattiest meals and the yummiest deserts.Failure, looking back, was probably brought about by lack of training. Idk what healthier options were out there or how to make easy yummy smoothies with yogurt, or that I get hungry after a run because I'm craving protein not a 5-course meal. My success on losing weight came after my running buddy shared all this. She helped me train for a 10K and each day shared more and more information on how to be a healthy runner. This I can easily see transferring to changing in the person God wants me to be. I have grown up and taught that if you ask God to change you, He will. So I would ask God to change me and wait patiently. I would, and still do, read my bible and have a quite time with Him but I never actually felt a change....

In short the book is telling us how we change:

1. Changing the stories in our minds (idk how this will help...)
2. Engaging in new practices (oky that's obvious)
3. reflection and dialogue with others who are on the same path as us (encouragement? challenge? maybe even a lil competition?)
4. All under the leading of the Holy Spirit (God, of course!)

Have you practiced spiritual exercises in your life, and if so with what intention and what result?

My daily/morning bible readings! I started reading my bible the summer before my freshman year of college. I had three intentions, to be known going into college as a Christian, to grow in wisdom and learn more about the bible, and finally because isn't that what every good Christian does? My result? I love it! I learned so much and I was able to apply it to my everyday life. Now everyday i do not feel like I am talking with God or that I learned anything at all from a passage but it are those few moments where I make a huge revolution and/or feel rewarded by feeling closer to God that make me continue studying His word. This has taken up time to get ready in the morning, time away from facebook (what a sacrifice!), and time to sleep-in a good 30 mins longer, but I have found it well worth the time and none of those mentioned above were ever missed

Training Exercise for this week... To sleep in at least once a week to the point where you can not sleep any longer. That might actually be easy on Saturdays. Though another tip offered was to go to bed at a consistent time. That might take more work because back at college I want to stay up at night with friends or my boyfriend and hangout. I love to get up early and to be productive... maybe I should chose a time that I go to bed every night. Since I have such a busy schedule this week, I think this discipline will, in the long run, be most effective. I chose to go to bed at 10pm every night. No later. Earlier is better. :) Until school starts up however I will sleep in as long as I can (mostly because my parents like to watch movies with me at night). 

A book!

So being a small group leader I am asked to join in a weekly discipleship with the leader of Intervarsity Christian Fellowship (IV).  Last semester I did terrible and showed up only 1/2 (maybe 3/4ths) of the time. While there I wasnt open of truly feeling like I was learning about God. I was very thankful for my spiritual mentor because she has pushed me toward God and has helped me grow closer to Him then any other person I have come across! I have felt moved by prayer and the power that really is behind such a God given opportunity! Thank you God!

OKY now to the title. At the end of this past fall semester the leader of IV suggested we start a book in the Spring semester to help us grow. The book is called The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith. I have yet to open it and read it. I shall summaries the back cover for you by pulling out key sentences that will play into what i will talk about next.
"We all have ideas we tell ourselves about God and how he works in our lives. Some are true--but many are false. In the pages of this book you are invited to put your ideas to the test to see if they match up with what Jesus himself reveals about God. Once you've discovered the truth in Scripture, you can engage in a process of spiritual formation that includes specific activities..."

What ideas do I hold about God?  God desires that we come to Him like a father wants a relationship with his children. God is very merciful and grace shouldn't be taken lightly because of how real and how amazing it truly is. God has a sense of humor (have you really looked at your self in the mirror or looked at any type of animal, weird!). God doesn't make you happy, He gives us peace and joy but not an emotion. God will provide.
What am I expecting from this book? I am curious about this spiritual formation! This is my last year in school and I want to grow even closer to God. I want to have something constant as I leave my friends and where I have lived for 3 years and God never changes. I am expecting to grow and develop new habits that lead to more of a personal relationship with God.

Well I hope to keep you updated... we shall see :)

What I got from One Verse

What a wonderful God-filled day when you sit down to read a passage in the bible and you get hooked and stuck on one verse out of seven. Oky I know that is not a massive amount of verses but in the OT one verse has 2-3 sentences! haha Clarification= 2 Samuel 2:1-7. This is after the death of Saul when David is about to make his next move.

Verse one is the verse I got stuck on: "In the course of time, David inquired of the Lord. 'Shall I go up to one of the towns of Judah?' he asked.
The Lord said, 'Go up.'
David asked, 'Where shall I go?'
'To Hebron,' the Lord answered.

What can you get out of this one verse. Its simply a conversation to God. That's it! I think we can learn something from this simple conversation.

David asks God specific questions that require immediate action! The first question: Shall I go up to one of the towns of Judah? provides two answer choices from God. Yes=action, move to Judah      No=wait here there is something better where you are now or Judah is not safe.

Asking God specific questions mean you are not afraid of what He has planned for you. (True surrender I guess) If you are afraid to ask God specific questions then you are too comfortable in your current life-style and you don't want to be changed. How else will you know God's will for your life if you don't ask God specifics about little actions?
Yet when I stop to think of what specific questions I want to ask God I thought of myself as talking to a magic 8 ball. Questions like: will I get into Graduate school? Does this guy like me? Questions that ask if I will get something. Im not asking questions the lead to action. Questions I think God wants us to ask might include: should I give to this person? Do you want me to join this mission team? Should I serve here? Should I take this job offer even if it requires moving? These questions require action and faith! Was it safe for David to return to Judah? David didn't know! Even though Saul was dead, he still had followers who knew Saul wanted to kill David. I applaud David for asking God first and then not hesitating and acting immediately. How often do we stop and calculate our funds to determine how much we can give without hurting ourselves? How often do we weigh pros and cons about serving? God desires that you ask Him specific questions and acting on that answer because then you are taking a step in faith. You are truly handing over your personal plans and your worries by asking God specifically where He wants you. You cant insert your ideas if God gives you specific answers to questions. Broad questions allow us to control His plan.

You know you found someone special when....

You're normally a morning bird but this person seems to keep you awake when you talk at night. You feel like you can just talk all night long and never miss a wink of sleep. They keep you on this high of warmth and openness. Honesty is always there and lies are hard to find. Stories revealed yet the view of this person never changes and the person doesn't change their view about you. No question is off limits and you find things in common that lead to understanding. Similarities that up you up further, that make you search deeper within yourself as well as the other. When the conversation has to end and good nights have to be said, you long to share your giddiness to the world but alas everyone is in their very own dream world. Imaginations flying in their heads. You, your excitement that you want to share with this sleeping world, is that your very own dream is now and finally reality.

Hypocrites, Gentiles, and what Prayer really is.

So now Im on chapter 2 (The Prayer Ministry of the Church by Watchman Nee) and he is stating the ways God shows us how not to pray and how to pray.
Matt.6:5-15
⁵ “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. ⁶ But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. ⁷ And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans (gentiles), for they think they will be heard because of their many words. ⁸ Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

   ⁹ “This, then, is how you should pray: “‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, ¹⁰ your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.¹¹ Give us today our daily bread. ¹² And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. ¹³ And lead us not into temptation,^[a] but deliver us from the evil one.^[b]’

   ¹⁴ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

There are types of people who pray....wrong: Hypocrites and Gentiles (pagans)
(I have fallen in both categories)

Hypocrites: Pray to be praised. They pray aloud and for everyone to hear. They want people to see how amazingly righteous they are. Apparently in verse 5 they have received their reward and V.6 states that God will reward us for prayers. I struggle with being a hypocrite because that was one of my struggles before coming to God. I wanted to be acknowledged by people! What better praise than for someone to come to you and say "God's light just shines through you!" "You are such a good girl." Not only did I enjoy that praise but I enjoyed the pride it brought my parents. I wanted to please them. So I would almost plan out my prayers before I would "pray to God" so that others may enjoy my words. How selfish is that!

Gentiles/Pagans/actually even Christians do this: V7. Simple pointless repetitiveness. I dont think this is merely talking about repeating one phrase over and over again (yet people do that too). I think this is also talking about just yaking to God. Going down a laundry list of prayer requests. Just talking and not really putting much effort past verbalizing what you or others want. Leading a small group I use to do this. After we ask for prayer requests and I pray at the end I just read off the prayer requests to God. I try to personalize them but I feel them fall flat.

How God wants us to pray: Dissect the prayer given! He doesnt want us to repeat that prayer everyday!  That would fall back to being like a pagan (i really want to find a better word for that category....) Dissect it! "Our Father who art in heaven," This reminds me of a past sermon I heard on Adoption. We are God's children when we accept God as our lord and savior! We get to call Him Father, daddy, papa! He WANTS us to! What love from Him that He allows us to call Him father instead of "Oh mighty king that reigns over my life..." or something extravagant like that... What love we can show Him when we call Him our father!
What does father mean to you?  For me, the word/ name father reminds me of words like: loving, deserves respect, cares for my needs and wants, my leader in life decisions, provider. I have been very blessed because my father, a strong Christian man, has exemplified every characteristic of God my heavenly father. I am blessed and thankful for such a man in my life.

Thought Blub! Reflecting on this has made me realize how much my daddy has been a God-like and spiritual leader throughout my life. I want to thank him for this. No one can coincidentally be a mirror of God. I assume my dad spent countless hours praying and seeking wisdom on how to be the earthly father God wanted him to be. I want to now show him my gratitude for that!

Second Part: "Hallowed be your name," WORSHIP!! :) Here it is a broad statement saying may your name be glorified! But how do we praise God's name? well who is God to you? what do first think of when you think of the word God? Be honest with yourself too. Take time to truly reflect. What first comes to mind about God probably relates to your past experiences. Are you angry? trying to find loving words to describe Him, or maybe there is a more powerful uplifting word that comes to mind. This is who God is to you. Granted if you hold an angry view of God maybe there is more to learn. How can you worship or talk to someone that only brings up feelings of hatred and sorrow? It's hard!! Try talking to an Ex-whatever right after they left you for someone else! Anyways Worship is key here! When thinking about who God is to me, Grace-giver came to mind, which led to generous because of Romans 11:5-6 It is the same today, for a few of the people of Israel^[c] have remained faithful because of God’s grace—his undeserved kindness in choosing them. ⁶ And since it is through God’s kindness, then it is not by their good works. For in that case, God’s grace would not be what it really is—free and undeserved.

How much more meaningful is worship if we tell God how we really feel about the grace he has given us! How much more personal will our prayers be!

I hate to end and run BUT I gtg.... Class time! :) That was half of chapter 2 btw! You can get the book on PDF: http://www3.telus.net/trbrooks/PrayerMinistryoftheChurch.pdf 

Idk who this will speak to but at least getting this out and reflecting some more on this brought up an idea I want to do. I am going to work on that card now! :) Adios my wonderful readers!

A little tib-bit about me...

Im not a picky eater! I use to be when I was younger and college snapped me out of that fast. So i will eat almost anything you place infront of me! or at least try it. I am, however, a picky drinker... And no im not talking about alcoholic beverages, im talking about drinks in general. I'll make a list as an example:

Drinks I like:

• water
• Lemonade!
• Juice
• V8 fusion or splash
• Milk
• egg nog (without alcohol)
• cider (which is juice with spice and warmed-up)
• hot coco
• Lemon Lemocello (its alcoholic!)

Drinks I dont like:

• soda
• anything carbonated 
• beer
• soda (any and every kinda soda!)
• sparkling water
• sparkling grape juice
• sparkling anything :P
• coffee (unless its coffee turned into a milkshake like a frappachino...sp?)
• chocolate milk
• most alcoholic drinks 
• hurricanes 
• vodka (unless 1 part vodka, 20 parts juice hehe)
• shots
• wine
• beer
• margaritas
• hard lemonade

So there! A lil tid-bit about me! I know, I'm weird :-)

Avacado trees in my living room!

So here is my new-ish project. Its a long project (like 7-15 years...) But its an awesome project! I guess I should add pics....

http://www.avocado.org/grow-your-own-tree/ But thats the summary!! Its already a foot and half tall after about a month!! :)


YAY AVOCADOS!!

God is limited...

Oky so those who follow me are probably like what?! God, the almighty power you worship and believe in so much and now you are saying He is limited. Limited in what? Im not putting Him in a box by no means.You have to hear me out.
First Im reading a short book by Watchman Neil called the Prayer Ministry of the Church. Check it out for yourself.
Second, consider the amazing gift of free will. We are not like objects on a table that can be moved around as our creator pleases. Our free will gives us choices. First we all know that we can chose God and His amazing gift of love and forgiveness or go on living without Him in our own lives and patterns of living. But we also limit Him even when we do chose to follow Him. We are only human after all. We dont always hear what people tell us and God's voice isnt always clear to us as well. Oky Backing up slightly. Think of Exodus 17:8-15

⁸ While the people of Israel were still at Rephidim, the warriors of Amalek attacked them. ⁹Moses commanded Joshua, “Choose some men to go out and fight the army of Amalek for us. Tomorrow, I will stand at the top of the hill, holding the staff of God in my hand.” ¹⁰ So Joshua did what Moses had commanded and fought the army of Amalek. Meanwhile, Moses, Aaron, and Hur climbed to the top of a nearby hill. ¹¹ As long as Moses held up the staff in his hand, the Israelites had the advantage. But whenever he dropped his hand, the Amalekites gained the advantage. ¹² Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset. ¹³ As a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle.
 ¹⁴ After the victory, the Lord instructed Moses, “Write this down on a scroll as a permanent reminder, and read it aloud to Joshua: I will erase the memory of Amalek from under heaven.” ¹⁵ Moses built an altar there and named it Yahweh-nissi (which means “the Lord is my banner”). ¹⁶ He said, “They have raised their fist against the Lord’s throne, so now^[c] the Lord will be at war with Amalek generation after generation.”

God gave Moses the power to be victorious, but ultimately Moses controlled the outcome of the battle. Think about what might have happened if Aaron and Hur were not with Moses when he became tired. God's power was restricted by Moses' actions. 

Now think about today. God is restricted by our choices. Has there ever been a time when in a certain situation you felt led to act in a certain way? (do you love the broad term?) Did you ever ignore those feelings and then thought badly about it or regretted that situation? Maybe God wanted to show His love to someone, or show His power through you but you did not act. That was you restricting God's power. OUCH! We are not simple objects that can be moved around a table. God has a plan and it is really up to us to fulfill it. God relies on us to do what He asks. Some people may say, God's will will be done. God can do whatever He wants...would that really be free will, even if we had a choice God can take control of a situation? Does that make sense? As stated by Watchman Neil:

"Who decided the victory or defeat at the hill? Was it God who willed it or was it Moses?...Whatever He wills to do, if man does not will it, He will not do it. We can not make God do what He does not want to do, but we can hinder Him from doing what He does wish to do."

God is all powerful! He can do amazing things and I am not limiting Him at all. He can do miracles and work through prayer! the reason for this is another proof of His love. God is willing to create something that controls what happens on Earth. This is true Free Will.

Guess what everyone! This is the goal and the meaning behind "growing closer to Christ." We want to know His will so that we don't restrict His power and His plan! On Earth this quest to get to this point is hard. So many forces are working against us (our human nature and Satan are the big two). But we can still strive for such a wonderful relationship. It will be a never-ending struggle on earth, but one worth striving for. And thats just it. Its only a struggle on earth. In heaven we will have what Watchman Neil describes as "Harmonious Will." We will always know what God's will is at that point! :D IDk to me that sounds amazing! After reading this section from Watchman Neil, I have been keeping my eyes out on how I could be restricting God. I, like so many people I know, want to know God's will or plan for their lives. I can not wait for that day when our search is over and we will be with Him and in agreement with His will. Until that day comes I plan to take every step with open eyes and in confidence.

Hell's gonna be a party! (really?)

"I bet all the people in (insert town here) are robbing a store or raping each other since all the cops are at the community center watching over us." That statement sent the my classmates roaring with laughter, except me.
"Man, we are going to hell." Stated the driver
"At least we will all be there together," replied one of the passengers.
"Yea, its gonna be a party down there!"
While I on the other hand looked out the window and let my heart break.

We just talked about this and how Hell is a joke in our society. Its sad I wish they wouldn't take it so lightly. If they take Hell so lightly then do you think they take Heaven and God lightly as well? It breaks my heart because I don't know how to respond to them. I don't know how to tell them that Hell shouldn't be joked about without being a stereotypical baptist preacher to them and to just turn them away. So i kept quiet and did not laugh. "At least we know Dani's got it together," one of my classmates remarked... I hope they could sense my sadness. And I'm glad I am viewed as a Christian even though I never specifically told them. Hell is not going to be a party no matter who ends up there. If we hate the consequences of our sin on Earth how much more are we going to enjoy the consequences of our sin in a place designed for punishment? Hell is going to be pure torture whether its literal fire or agony that is just as painful as burning flesh from being truly separated from God.

My heart also breaks for the people who live in rural areas/ghettos. They are people. They have families, they have to work, provide, live. Just because the stereotype is that anyone who lives in the ghetto will hurt you in someway, is that true? People joke about locking their doors and saying how a place is sketch. Crime rates are higher in these areas, I know, and I do understand the need to be cautious, but a girl my age has to be cautious of her surroundings no matter where I am. In the library, in my apartment complex, going for a run in broad daylight. If we are so quick to make comments and jokes like that, wont we be quick to shut a person off because of where they live if they come to us for help? How often are people scared for those who move into the projects to raise a family and to be a light for that community? My parents included. My heart breaks because they want to know love, they want to feel safe and protected. They are not provided the same opportunities as others. Maybe it is their fault, maybe it was how they were raised, maybe it was just because of circumstance. Maybe they want out or something more to live for than what we would expect (drugs, gang action).


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue-3x9Vt-tc&feature=related   





Wait...I before E except after C, except in the word society. HAHAHA

quote from church...

To a prisoner to a priest:

"Sir, I do not share your faith. But if I did--if I believed what you say you believed--then although England were covered with broken glass from coast to coast, I would crawl the length and breath of it on hand and knee and think the pain worthwhile, just to save a single soul from this eternal hell of which you speak." Charles Peace

UNC MADNESS... and not in basketball...

Howdy! Im on the hunt for schools to apply to Occupational Therapy. In all honesty I would love to stay in my current location. I know the area well, I have lots of friends here, and its basically become my home. (my family home still doesn't feel like home but that's a different story...) But i am taking steps to go see other Grad school options. Competition in OT is tough so its best to apply to a good number of grad schools.
Background: I visited UNC when choosing an undergraduate location. I did not particularly like UNC. It felt HUGE to me. It feel too much like a city and not very personal and welcoming. At that time I did not know where I was how I got here and where I was going when I was touring campus... and half way through the tour i kinda just shut my mind off and relied on my dad to get us back to the car after the tour.
Now: I was still holding though same feelings and unmotivated attitude as the days to the open house were approaching. I knew I was going to have to work hard to be or at least to act open to the idea of applying to UNC. I printed off all sorts of info about their OT program and read and highlighted points I like, points of interest, and points of confusion. There was one sentence that stood out to me above all the rest: I need to find the paper but it ended with you career goals...Not education goals, not personal desire goals, not find the place that fits you to the tee. I know that's kinda commonsense but that sentence opened up my mind and heart just enough to realize what I have been doing. I have been selfish in how I look at schools. I looked at schools thinking about how I would like it there, not on the reason why im pursuing an OT degree. God spoke to me and said to stop being selfish, and get use to the idea that where ever He places me is where Im suppose to be. I think God is showing me what my comfort zones are and how to push it. Looking back at this week and my change of feelings, im actually excited about going off to new schools.


STORY! oky so here I am driving into UNC and i look at the clock. Oky 2:30...I would have liked to be in UNC closer to 2ish but with traffic on the highway and dropping a friend off, I had good reasons to be slightly off schedule. The building should be easy to find right and its Friday so the traffic is mostly leaving UNC too. I was calm and ready to go meet new professors! Meeting is at 3. So here I am entering UNC. I find Franklin St. its a long street... then I finally enter downtown-ish area... I have never seen so many people in one downtown area except for when there was a fair going on or ECU on a Friday/Saturday night and at that point the roads are blocked off!! Not only that but the signs were sooo small (and I have great eye sight!) I saw signs for the visitor center (straight ahead) and then no more signs! I looked around as much as I could with out hitting people...I found the street to the school of medicine, Sweet! So i turn right... which was wrong. Oh well I turn down a street and make a U-turn right there in the middle of the road. (I love my Melvin the Camry) And I go the right way down the street. The street is stop and go traffic for 15 mins. Now its about 2:50ish...uh-oh now Im really pushing it! Its oky, b/c normally they wait about 5-10 mins for people who are running late. :) Well all of a sudden this street I am on become a one way street and I have to turn left or right! AHHH idk where to go! G-maps said to stay on this street but that will equal the death of me! So i go left, which would have been fine because I wanted to start over and head to Franklin street, BUT i was behind a bus and i was driving down the middle of campus on a small two-lane road! Not only that the bus wasnt the slowest car. There was a LINE of cars...Come to find out it was parent's weekend...oh hurray. So I finally get on Franklin St. around 3:10ish, now im starting to worry. I find a visitor parking lot and pull in. I ask the lady where to find the school of medicine and lucky for me she gave me a "what building?" reply and face...She handed me a map and said this lots full but feel free to pull in and figure out where you need to go.
I found it! and I was off to try again! The map was awesome because it also showed visitor parking lots right by my specific building! So I'm heading the right way doing great, using the map and making all the right turns! I even drive right by the front of the building, turn into the lot with metered visitor parking lots and Ta-da! there are no visitor spots period! Its 3:20 now... The meeting is only suppose to last an hour. I start to panic... I go the very end of the lot/alley and turn around and headed out. I had to go in the direction opposite of my building and I was back to making another circle...I started to cry (im such a girl) I was so frustrated and upset! So i found a parking lot for construction workers (it was empty) and I called my mom and told her everything and how upset I was because I was finally interested in the UNC OT program and I get here and I fail at finding the building and getting there on time and I skipped classes for this and I hate this traffic and i dont know where I am and I give up and I wish the my car had it's illegal tinted windows so I could cry and no-one could see me (you can laugh at any of this if you want). So mom talks to dad. He looks up future open house dates and finds one that does not require me to skip any more classes and tells me to just find a parking spot where they wont tow and walk around campus. (dad knows me too well)  So I take another look at the map. There is a hospital near-byish and since Im walking why not park far away and know Im safe. Mom calls me again on the way to lot and I tell her what I am doing. There is a guy directing traffic and I ask him where to go, placing the phone down in under my parking brake. He points me into the parking garage and i go in. Parking garages remind me of Duke hospital so I like them and I start to sing about pulling into a parking garage and the people and cars all around me. I even start trying to sound like an italian man when I find an open spot in a corner! I all of sudden hear something from my car...it was my phone...oops... mom was still on the phone and was laughing at me... "Are you better?" she asked. hahaha I felt slightly bi-polar because in the span of 5 mins im crying to my mom to singing...
To end this I met up with an old friend and she showed me around campus and we had dinner together and a GREAT time. I actually love UNC campus, very beautiful and I could picture myself living here!

Fall jealousy floats down like autumn leaves.

Wow I had the best Fall Break ever!!! I want to tell you more about it but its oober late for me and I wanted to  share something. So I had this amazing trip and I am in the best mood ever! it was so refreshing, rejuvenating, and just awesome. I get home and get on FB (my first mistake) and I see my sister has a new profile picture. Its gorgeous. And well my head starts going in circles about how much more beautiful my sister is than I am. And she is, face the facts. anyways My amazing high from this past trip was crushed into an ultimate low with some tears. Talk about a spiritual battle. I went from thanking God for his creation to trying to tell myself that I am also Gods creation and that I am beautiful...it was hard and was not working. I, still holding jealousy against my sister, go to ECU's InterVarsity page and someone posts this:


It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes 
you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.






That snapped be back into a good mood...it wasnt about God, it wasnt super spiritual 
(obviously) but I believe that God placed that there for me to read. I felt so much better, I smiled, and felt silly for even thinking those thoughts of jealousy and hurt. Through that simple quote, God showed me that A) i dont need to be beautiful to be happy and B) He is there looking after me and caring for me even in the littlest of problems.I realized the turning point in my mood. It wasnt when I was trying to convince myself that God made me beautiful in a different way, it was when God himself showed me. I needed to simply ask God to show me how I look in His eyes. My vision is so clouded by the physical and the selfish desire to be beautiful then my younger sister, how on Earth could I convince myself. 




For those who struggle with feelings of jealousy for their siblings its going to be a never ending battle. I even doubt your sibling knows you have such feelings towards them. Tell them if you feel angry or jealous towards them. It takes humbling yourself, especially if you are the older sibling. It is a never ending battle until you have confidence in every aspect of who you are.

Small Group...cause i've never talk about them

Over the year and a half of hosting a small group I have come to learn about what makes a small group or a community successful.


Factors that make a small group great:

• GOD first...pray before the meeting.
• open, warm personality
• leaving judgmental attitudes with your old self
• admitting to self that you do not know the bible
• having an interested and excitement in learning about God with a group of people who are just as excited as you
• Be open and share about yourself. If you aren't comfortable sharing then how will your group open up
• BE FLEXIBLE sometimes the passage is not as important as sharing s personal story or praying for individuals going through a hard time!

Here is how leading a Small group has grown me as an individual and spiritually:

• I have had more motivation to learn the word and to make sure I apply it to my life.
• I have faced the facts that i cant be there for everyone and that God will guide me to where I am needed.
• I can not be afraid to ask the deep, pressing, personal questions, and don't be afraid to share your story or your ideas. I am still growing in this area and I am still learning how to have spiritual conversations with someone. Actually I should share a story with you on this...

I love how my blogs are never organized.

So there is a friend of mine who I met through my major and that we both shared a love for GeoCaching. Well I like it a lot and she loves it to the point of obsession! She also has a love of talking...like its rare you will get your two cents worth..maybe not even a penny. To top it off her talks are not very interesting. Her talks are always about her family, work and the adventure center here at school. Which is great to hear about when you first meet someone and you want to get to know them, but after awhile you lose interest right? Well that's kinda what happened to me. I kinda just let her talk. Well, one day at SG we were talking about sharing our testimony and she came to my mind. I had no idea what her thoughts were on God, life after death, sin, ect. So that became my goal for the week: to ask her about her beliefs. 

Because it is personal I cant share what she said but I learned so much about her. I saw a new side to her that formed a connection in me. She still talks in gargantuan amounts but now it does not annoy me. I understand her and want to see her grow closer to God. If you have someone who annoys you, maybe you just don't know them well enough to understand them. Take the time to really get to know them, ask them hard questions, get personal. Its easy these days to not get deep and personal with people. We should not be comfortable with that. We should strive to get to know people beyond facebook messages or the common "Hi how are you? Im good too."

My challenge for me this week: Simply ask personal, thought-provoking questions: How did you come to know the Lord? or What are your views on God?  How have you been challenged this week? What is something you are struggling with? Any other question ideas?

Long time no ranting :D

Welcome to another school year!!! :) ALOT happened over the summer. the relationship I had over the past year and three months was ended. I have grown closer to God but before that I was willingly being pushed further away. I am leading a small group again this year and I'm loving it!!

Im hoping to become a regular blogger again this year but school is crazy. This is known as the year of unknowns...

1. Where will i be doing my Recreational Therapy internship?
2. Where should I apply for grad schools?
3. Where will I be going next year?
4. What if it is not ECU? What if its not even in my home state?

Although there are many unknowns in the my future im not worried. Im excited!!! Its an adventure worth having because I have many ideas on how God wants me to use my degree in Occupational Therapy (OT). I can not wait to see how I  will be used. 

One of the ideas I have is to be a full time missionary! I have always thought of being one. I love the concept of leaving this busy, material life and being fully submersed into helping others with God and the Good News on your heart, mind, and  mouth. Think about how that can change you! Consider the best way to learn a new language. Its not to take class for 1 hour 3 days a week. its by using and practicing what you leaned and learning from other native speakers that you retain truly learn the language and culture. Of course that is not to say I can not do that here. That is my goal till the summer is to be better at witnessing and simply talking about God to others. Im thinking on how easy it could actually be to simply mention Him. Someone on a skateboard rides by and says "hi how are you" "Im fine, how are you?" "Doing good." Then you mention something about his skateboard. Start a friendly conversation, mention something God has taught you... Oky now idk... Granted, im trying to make evangelizing like a mathematical formula. People are not math equations  and predictable. Do you put yourself in a box? Why should we put the entire human species in one... Well Either way I should not look at talking about God as a challenge. I have such a passion about God's love for me and for all of! Its so unreal, unexplainable and yet something blocks us from experiencing a kind of love your soul mate couldn't provide for you. That something is sin. Because God is perfect, we can easily understand why We are separated from Him (Think of how we try so hard to keep spaghetti sauce off of our nice white shirts). God, because He is so perfect, has the right to punish us for our sin but He also loves us so much that we provided us with a way out. God sent His perfect son Jesus to come and live with us dirty spaghetti sauce covered humans. Jesus lived a perfect, sinless life while hanging out with thieves, murders, poor, sick, outcasts and "the rich and famous." But how does Jesus help us stained t-shirts into being with God and not receiving the punishment we deserve?  Jesus was perfect, pure and could be with God. Jesus like God, loved us soooo much! He loved strangers more than himself. He knew the punishment that was in store for everyone, so he gave himself up to take that punishment for us. Jesus took God's wrath and the justice from us so that we too could be with God. We are able to have a real relationship with God and avoid His powerful anger and wrath. But Jesus did not stop there. Jesus rose from the dead and came back to life to prove that God is greater than sin and death. By believing in that Jesus took my sin from me so that I can be with God, I feel God's love, and I have his Holy Spirit to guide me. I want to live for Jesus and God because I know that this story is real. I know that God loves me more than I will know and I know that there are people out there who are missing out on such a caring, fatherly relationship that results in hope and joy! I want to be a full time missionary but maybe God is really showing me how to be a full time missionary here and now.... and how to truly put it into practice... 

Wow...this was unplanned (though I rarely have my blogs planned to begin with...)

Umm well another idea is to start disability ministries in a church near where ever God places me to work. I want to start one here in G-ville BUT school and the means of becoming an OT is hindering me from starting such a ministry. Mom keeps telling me that many doors will open for me when I get my OT degree and to be patient in serving God. She is right. As much as I would love to serve Him right now, I know that I would be even more helpful to others when I have my OT degree.

I will keep you better posted but it is past my bedtime (im not known as a night-owl)

Good Night!!

Crows fly around the chair with curious antipathy

So that is as far as I got with a poem haha! I  tried to take a picture of a crow sitting on my porch rail but I was too slow. http://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/American_Crow/id They are really interesting. I watched a show a LONG time ago on how a crow escaped a cage by pressing the right combination into a key pad (on the other side of the cage door) to unlock the door!! I guess they are the bird equivalent to the octopus?

Anyways I have a new blog now called Summer Proverbs! Check it out. Im going through a journal based on Proverbs with really relevant quotes and topics.

John 16:17-33

V31 "'You believe at last,' Jesus answered..." Yay finally, and not a moment to soon. The disciples believe! Jesus is hosting the last supper. While Jesus is explaining how he is part of God the disciples are completely dumbfounded. Since chapter 13 Jesus has been saying almost the same thing over and over again and it took them till just now for it to finally click!. I see no change in the way Jesus is presenting this fact that he really is the son of God. This brought up some questions:

1. Did God fully open their hearts just now?
2. If they didnt fully believe in Jesus why then did they follow him and give up their personal lives (careers, family, friends)?

My only conclusion to this question was found in looking back at my self and new believers. Most new Christians dont know EVERYTHING about God and Jesus and the bible...IDK if I know any Christians at al who know EVERYTHING. Yet they come to God anyways. Maybe God placed a desire on the disciples hearts to follow Jesus before they fully understood why. They had ideas, but apparently they did not fully understand. I guess this shows that God reveals Himself in His timing. That makes me wonder then... Does God still has something to reveal to me then? If so what?

Fast response? I wish!

Its late sooo I'm sorry for the lack of biblical proof at the moment... (yes 8:35pm is late for me...)

So have you ever been through a really rough day that leads to another, that leads to yet another day, whether or not what makes the day rough is the same thing? (did you follow that?) Is there something going on either deep inside where there doesn't seem to be an end in sight? Do you have questions that could easily be answered by just one of two simple words yet that this one word wont come? Well look no further than... well, actually, keep looking...

Over the past two weeks God has been nudging me to realize that rarely does God act instantly in our lives. God rarely answers our prayers and gives us (or rejects) our requests in a short time span. I know many people who are struggling with tough life choices about their future, depression, anxiety, and more physical illnesses (like cancer) as I am sure you do too. No matter what kind of advice or medication or help, pain, worry, and concerns are still there and little improvement seems to have been made. Many times looking back at what has been going on in my friend's life I seriously do wonder where God is in all of this. "So many people are asking you God to relieve this pain, to heal this person. Why are you not acting? Why are you not answering our prayers?" Yea anger has been in my prayers at times and I quit. I quit praying. I quit caring. "The God will get them through" I think in an almost 'I give up, I need to move on' sort of tone. And this is when God decides to put up billboards....

Church, Sunday March 27, Message: The Warrior's General
Great message focused on the fight everyone is called to fight. (I believe EVERYONE feels they have a fight to fight, a cause to support and stand-up for, something to strongly and passionately go after or defend) Well Mark 9:25-29
25When Jesus saw that a crowd was rapidly gathering, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, "You deaf and mute spirit, I command you, come out of him and do not enter him again." 26After crying out and throwing him into terrible convulsions, it came out; and the boy became so much like a corpse that most of them said, "He is dead!" 27But Jesus took him by the hand and raised him; and he got up. 28When He came into the house, His disciples began questioning Him privately, "Why could we not drive it out?" 29And He said to them, "This kind cannot come out by anything but prayer."
OKAY one point to make before I get to my other specially made billboard: "Why could we not drive it out?" We? really? "This kind cannot come out by anything but prayer." Jesus reply has no we, I, me. only simply that prayer is needed.

IV, Tue March 29
Nehemiah 1:1-2:8 (not even going to post the passage hahah)
What was told to me that the distance between Kislev and Nisan was 6 months but according to Inner.org and Wiki (oh mighty Wiki) Kislev is the ninth of the 12 months and Nisan is the first month of the 12 months in the Hebrew calender and Kislev is the 3rd month and Nisan is the 7th month technically in our calenders. Soooo the time between when Nehemiah received the news about Jerusalem then continuously prayed and fasted till when King Artaxerxes asked Nehemiah what was troubling him, was about 3-4 months (idk about that though because both were in the 20th year so how can the 9th of one year be before the 1st month of the same year...) Either way Nehemiah prayed constantly!

Church Sg Wed March 30
Thessalonians 3:10 "Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and God will supply what is lacking in your faith" Hurray for study bible because it says "'Most earnestly' translates a strong and unusual Greek compound word found only in the NT in two other places (1 Ths 5:13 and Eph 3:20) that brings out Paul's passionate longing."

Constant themes I pulled out from all three:

• Constant, passionate prayer for someone else. Never for self.

Yea that's really it. That's the only connection I kept making between these passages. Oh I know i was taught other messages during my week but yet this one point kept entering my brain.

For those who know someone who is struggling with depression, anxiety etc. depending on what it is it could take from 3 months to 18 months for someone to manage it. Constant prayer is needed for work and constant fasting too. I have decided to try this out. I am not fasting from food because of the possibility it will become more of a diet plan than fasting with God in mind. I am fasting from something that takes a big portion of my free time so i can spend it on talking to God. We shall see where this leads


Another pt made at church. We are like rocks in a sling shot. Sometimes God does pull us back and in pits of despair where we feel far far away from Him (though he is holding on to us), so that we will  fly even faster and with more power towards Him! So when you feel far from God or troubles are hitting you left and right, get ready cause God is aiming you right for His heart! :D


<3

What makes a sport a sport?

Cheerleading, Horseback riding, NASCAR, Dance, just some of the few activities many people like to debate on whether or not they are considered a sport. Well lucky for you in class this Monday, sport was defined!

Sport (according to my leisure programming teacher): an activity that demands a combination of physical skills, endurance, alertness, purpose, and enthusiasm. Also uses specific equipment.

So guess what everyone! Dancing is a sport, Cheerleading is a sport, and even speed walking is a sport! :) A game, however, includes more chance, along with some physical endurance and skill. Like Monopoly! (You could be playing all night long and that takes physical endruance hahaha)

This post is just for the fun of life!

6 year olds and jokes and bees

So I have a job! I have one AWESOME job!!! Basically in short I am working on theraputic goals with a child who has autism. He is very high functioning and loves to play imaginary games. Well sometimes when he is upset about something no matter how stern you are he wont listen to you and just breakdown farther. Using humor is the key and it works great! Well anyways, here we are driving to Wal-Mart and my buddy starts getting upset because of a change in plans (transitions are hard for him) so I thought..." try humor....JOKES!" So I ask my buddy, "Hey where does a bee go to the bathroom?" His answer: "Silly Danielle! Bees dont go to the bathroom!" Me "really?" Him: "No they dont!" (he's laughing at this idea btw) Me: oh.      SO i try another joke: "What do you call a cat that digs in the sand." Him: No Danielle I dig in the sand not Jazzy (his cat)!" Me: "Cats dont dig in the sand?" Him: "Danielle stop being silly"

Well sadly my buddy at the moment doesnt understand jokes which is ok because I got him laughing and happy and the transition for him was easier. Im going to keep trying on the jokes :D ahhahaah Any good joke suggestions?

Btw:
Where do bees go to the bathroom?      BP station! (get it? Bee Pee station?)
What do you call a cat that digs in the sand?     Sandy Claws! (like Santa Claus!)

My not so mini load-down on horses.

Idk if this is right or not or what but last night I made a really rather crazy connection that kinda requires a back story. Here is what I learned from this: God makes sure He has you right where He wants you no matter how small or unimportant or tough or stupid or where ever this place might be.

I love horses! Im a slight horse nut who, at the moment, cant get within a mile of them because of money, time and not in God's plan. Im so thankful though that I had the opportunity to ride from elementary school all through high school. And I got to own two of my very own horses and ultimately my best teachers.
What I learned from horses:

• Patience
• Really listening
• Confidence
• Love
• Controlling anger

What I really wanna focus on is Patience. WOW that was a HUGE struggle for me with my first horse Raleigh. Oky so if you want a mental picture of him, picture a grayish horse with teeny tiny brown spots. No hes not an Appaloosa. (for horse freaks like me) He's a pinto. (When he's wet and clean you can see Paint patterns in his skin. so cool!) Anyways if you want a figurative picture of him....think of the classic geek. Nerdy, skiddish, afraid of his own shadow, sweet and wanting to please everyone unless its something hes scared of then he's going to run home and forget about you. Seriously I always picture Raleigh and the typical comp geek.

Yea like him!

Anyways that's not really the point.... Raleigh was a scaredy cat almost everything. Paper towls, a creek, a boat sitting on the road, a rope on the ground scared him (though that could look like a snake) and once he was scared of my mom when she put her hood from her raincoat on her head! How in the world do you get a horse to cross a creek or walk by a rope or something that scares him? Patience and guidance. No, walking a horse up to the object does not fix the problem. "LOOK AT IT NOW!" is basically what you're telling the poor 1+ ton animal that knows you are only 130-200 pounds. "Puny Human" is what that horse is thinking. Anyways guidance and patience....mostly patience. Guidance only in the sense that you show the horse that you are not afraid of it, in fat your not even looking at it. No, now is not the time im comparing horses to humans. DONT IGNORE PEOPLE!! Horses can tell where you are looking (our head is like 25lbs i believe) and they can really feel emotion. Patience in the sense that it might take days or weeks to get a horse past something its afraid of. Like a creek. Raleigh was afraid of the smallest puddles. The problem with this scenario is that I was forced to bring the horse to what it was afraid of because it was the only way to get to the Field arenas. The key to this,a)stay on (not fun to fall in mud but better than falling in the creek or on concrete) and b) act like there is nothing to be afraid. You got to show the horse, you can do this. "IDK why but this might seem really big but you have to trust me that this is only a little creek." Think of how God looks at what we are afraid of. Eventually with constant but calm and patient pressure the horse will cross the creek.

I had another horse, Cha-Cha. She was basically the complete opposite of Raleigh. Not afraid of anything and in the pasture she ruled the field. The first time I heard a horse whimper was from a horse Cat who was being bullied by Cha-Cha. Cha-Cha did not limit her diva self to just the pasture (sadly enough), she made sure to try and take control of every situation. From putting the saddle on to jumping fences, if she didn't feel like doing something or having something done to her then she will let you know. Now this doesn't mean she was a brat about EVERYTHING. Cha-Cha was a really sweet horse and cute at that, just picky about a few things. For example, riding lessons were going great! We were working on higher jumps (almost to three feet) and harder courses which equaled more work on both the horse and the rider. Cha-Cha was getting bored of the same technique, "wheres the next jump, get over next jump, wheres the next jump, get over jump, ect." No where in her mind was: "where does rider want to go, how fast does rider want me to go," Cha-Cha was just focused on getting it over with and got bored with that. Cha-Cha came up with a solution to her boredom as well as providing herself with a break from work. Side note for a paint she was very athletic... Cha-Cha discovered that a turn at a 90 degree angle while cantering is possible for the horse...very seldom was it possible for me especially when I was focused on jump myself.  Thus right before the take-off for the jump Cha-Cha quickly turned (always to the left idk why) and I meet the ground. After having this happen constantly and trying many different jumping, correcting techniques (ask me later) Trainer and I decided on teaching Cha-Cha dressage. Dressage is ALL flat work and to any outsider it looks boring and I thought so too...but its not I swear!! Being on top of the horse and getting all the nity gritty details down and knowing that what you are sitting on top of is a graceful gorgeous mover...ITS AMAZING! you feel like you have accomplished something HUGE! and after 3months of trying to understand dressage (i was learning along with Cha-Cha) and building the endurance, I finally made this connection: It really is all in the mind set. In Dressage the horse is constantly listening to you. When he/she stops listening to you then everything becomes clumsy. When your not listening to your horse, your not helping him or her relax or maybe even relieve any pain. Dressage is a cooperative sport (yea its a sport, trust me).
Oky back away from the horses. This is what a real relationship with God should be like, right? For me, in my daily life I am constantly thinking: "Oky get this semester done, get through this test, get through this day." Which is great except I find myself wanting to rush through life. As an example: Im already going to walk at graduation a year earlier then most people who entered in the same year! Im focused on keeping my early graduation too. Does God want us to just focus on getting our life over by only focusing on the completing the next thing? I highly doubt it. When Cha-Cha was simply focused on finishing the course, she would rush through, not taking the time to adjust before each jump, messing up on technique points, and using more energy than needed. When we are just wanting to get things done with we tend to miss the important smaller details. We should take time to reflect before and after each course in our lives, but not just that but reflect with God about it. This is personally what God is teaching me. It is so easy for me to leave God out of situations, school work, plans... God wants our walk in life to be graceful and smooth like a perfect 100 on a dressage test.

I guess its time for me to learn how to listen to God constantly not just in the beginning when I have energy to focus on Him.
I feel like I wrote one of those inspirational christian books.... HAHAHA!

Anyways after about six plus months of dressage we finally went back to the jumping courses and what do you know, its helped. We kept dressage in the courses so that Cha-Cha kept her focus on me but even with out trying to add the dressage form to the course Cha-Cha would wait for my direction. That's another thing....it took 6 months. I guess because we live in such a fast paced society that fast is great. Testimonies of completely changed lives in one day are AMAZING, but also pretty rare. We have to take a step back and take some time six or more months to work on one thing. While working on that one thing (Dressage basics) you will be surprised about all the lil details God will teach you along the way as He sees fit (specific Dressage moves, shoulder in, three or more asked lead changes, extended trot).

Oky so there are so many more things God has taught me by use of horses but I have been working on this post for almost a month now. I do miss riding horses and having to leave the sport is another God teaching moment, but I know God had me where He wanted and has me where He wants me now.